This Waltz Will Wear Us Down

So, spring break is in a few days. Hurrah!
I have this wonderfully imposing reading list that I intend to conquer over the course of the next week. My spring break will consist of working, sleeping, voracious reading, hanging out with Mom, and watching bad kung-fu movies with my Dad.
I can't contain my excitement to see them, it's been too long. I hate that I only see them every few months.

Other good news is I heard back from Secretly Canadian yesterday about my internship. It's good to know that I'm going to get to follow through with my goals. I've wanted to intern for them for a long time now, and I've worked really hard to make sure that happens.

I'm recording my solo stuff this weekend with my friend Dan. He's a music engineering major, and hopefully very good at what he does. Anyway, the song is one of my newest, and I like it.
Here, I'll share lyrics. :

This Waltz Will Wear Us Down

I never was the child for building castles,
To watch them wash away seemed so demeaning
Running back and forth from sea to mother
Saving all the shells, their remnants priceless
There are things to be salvaged here.

Gave up for years
Something hiding,
Harbored in me
Salvage, Scattered
Building again
Building Slowly
Victim of my own making
I know the feeling
of the beating tide
There are things to be salvaged here.

Porous bones cause for brittle beginnings
It seems my patience is wearing thin
You ask me of my expectations
Simple allegiance is all I'm asking for here
There are things to be salvaged, here.

Did sands of time erode at your bones?
Wearing at you,
Wearing slowly?
He wore me down,
Swallowed me whole
I know the feeling
Of the beating tide
There are things to be salvaged here.


And post a pretty picture.



P.S: Give me a year, I'm going back to Hawaii.

Frustration.

I'm writing-ish a paper right now, it's not that bad it's just boring.

My week should have felt alot worse than it did, because alot of not-so-fun things happened. However! all of these circumstances made me reevaluate what I want and what is really important to me.
Change is underway.
Some major changes, some minor.
And I've ammended to be a lot less passive when it comes to life, and the things that I love.
I've also decided to stop rewarding people who haven't done anything for me. I can't think of a way to word this delicately enough, without getting into gory specifics. Specifics don't matter, this resolution is the result of many different specific circumstances. In a positive light, this week has made me realize how many amazing people I have in my life.
Also, developing friendships make me really happy. I hung out with Rebecca and Julie this weekend, and they are both so refreshing.

I had a nightmare with some old haunts last night though, which caused me to wake up feeling slightly unrested.

Rebecca and I have ammended to bring back sashes being tied around the head, audrey hepburn style. When we watched Breakfast at Tiffany's this weekend I really comprehended it at the level I had always wanted to, and known I could, but never had before. Its a really amazing movie. Tomorrow I plan to teach myself Moon River so I can cover it.

Fantastical!

Mt. Hood

Earlier this winter/late fall, a group of climbers got lost in an avalanche in Mt. Hood, Oregon. For some reason this deeply bothered me and continues too. It's very seldom that I follow a news story closely.
I found a peice of prose that I wrote about it in January. Edited it, and now am sharing it.

[Mt. Hood, Where Have You Taken Her Lover?]

I was climbing because there was some part of me hiding up there.
It was a beautiful pennance; I owed it to myself to go.
It's true, the air thins.
It attacks you from the inside, knives in your lungs,
Darting.

I was climbing because I love the distant world beneath me,
Because I believe in something higher

From up high I could see part of you was up there
I needed to claim it for you
Make my way back down

The fog weighed something, darling,
Something heavy and treacherous,
The feeling of bones aching to the marrow.
But the distant world above me,
everything I was searching for
Fell upon me, unexpected
I lost myself then, in my search.

It was cold in its sparseness,
Crippling from the outside,
Sharp darting knives.

I lost something then
But I will keep the remnants in this place, a pennance
With this world distant, beneath me.

my life and the divine.

So i was thinking about fate, and faith this morning, and how I hadn't thought about them at all lately. How much that bothers me.
And I'm wandering around my apartment to discover a taoism book that stevi got me for christmas, and I opened it up to a page that says there is no fate. This really upset me, caused me to want to yell at the book.
I've lost sight of my goals and what I demand out of life lately, and have failed to appreciatte what is in front of me, and what it is that I love. I've just been going with the motions.
That nonchalance is not an accurate expression of who I am.
So...I'm giving myself the next few weeks to get my shit together and start making things happen for me.
I'll make my own fate.